Back in 2006 T.D. Jakes preached about the tenth spiritual gift; the gift of goodbye. He said in part, your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. When people walk away from you, let them walk. Most importanly, you have to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. This applies not only to relatiosnhips, but jobs, addictions, past hurts, pain and I can go on.
The gift of goodbye, is not always easy, especially when you spend so much time trying not to hurt feelings, not step on anyone's toes, trying to be submissive, being nice or holding on because, in the words of Gladys Knight " nobody wants to be the first to say goodbye."
Where do all these stifling behaviors come from? They are learned, and come from the accepted conscious agreements that have been repeatedly etched into our minds as TRUTH. Let me rewind to some of the verses, "respect your elders", "if you want to have friends, you better be nice", "no man is going to put up with that", "you are to be seen and not heard", "no one cares what you think", "keep your thoughts to yourself". "you are just not good enough, because...".
People, people, these are not TRUTHS. IF you want them to be, then they are. But, in reality, they are not. Let me deflate a few for you.
RESPECT YOUR ELDERS - Respect is earned. Just because someone is older than you, does not mean they are always wiser or that they have your best intentions at heart. Many children have been harmed in many ways behind believing this as truth.
NO MAN IS GOING TO PUT UP WITH THAT - This is an idle threat that is said to guilt you into something. When in relationship it is the couple's decision on how things will go. No one outside of the relationship can predict what is acceptable or not.
All of these crazy agreements can be squashed by truth. Always remember: TRUTH "NEVER" CHANGES, IT IS CONSTANT. Untruths change based on our perception and prospective. Once you get to the truth of a matter and it no longer fits your life, just tell it goodbye.
Every now and then, I take inventory of my life. When I do this, I let my friends and family know. I explain to them, that things in my life that no longer add value will be cut from my life. Their reactions vary, but my process is NOT about them. Then, I totally disassociate myself from everything. I don't answer the phone. I don't answer my door. I don't go anywhere. I retreat, meditate and pray for direction, guidance and clarity. I ask CREATOR to reveal the purpose of each of my relationships and where things are headed in my life. After a few weeks of this process, I reengage myself back into life feeling rejuvenated, with a purpose and focused. I take excess clothing, shoes and unused household items to Goodwill. I purchase new bedding for my bed and rearrange things in the bedroom and living areas. I clean my house from top to bottom bring in fresh flowers and candles. I clean my car and office. In addition I call the telephone and cell providers and immediately change my numbers. Once I get all these things in order, I call all the people who made the cut, those who add value to my life. When they hear my voice they are immediately tickled knowing how special they are to me. In conversation I deeply express my appreciation for their presence in my life and thank them for being them. I totally create anew for my life and the people in it.
When you figure out your worth as a living being. Once you truly take time and focus on what is good for you in your life. The day you say to yourself, I accept nothing but the best for my life.
Then the gift of GOODBYE comes next.
GOODBYE!
